


The Truthiest Truth

by igrab



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6844924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igrab/pseuds/igrab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>From: Akaashi Keiji<br/>>My apologies. Bokuto-san and I will not be able to make it this evening, but I'm sure he would love to reschedule at a later date. Please enjoy your night.</p>
</blockquote><br/>Bokuto has a bad night, and the people close to him make it better.
            </blockquote>





	The Truthiest Truth

**Author's Note:**

> I was essentially using Bokuto to write myself out a bad place, so. This isn't terribly original or anything, sorry.
> 
> (it helped, though, at least.)
> 
> This is definitely not what I intended my first fic in this fandom to be. Oh boy.

> From: Akaashi Keiji  
>  >My apologies. Bokuto-san and I will not be able to make it this evening, but I'm sure he would love to reschedule at a later date. Please enjoy your night.

"Ah, fuck," Kuroo muttered.

At Kenma's questioning noise, he held the phone out, and Kenma hummed as he read it. "Ah."

"Yeah." They'd already been waiting for a table for fifteen minutes - the plan had been dinner and karaoke, a favorite of Bokuto's in particular. A glance at Kenma's face was enough to confirm it - Kuroo stood and pushed his way to the hostess stand, to cancel their table slot. Another night, they told each other silently, and headed home.

(^ovo^)

Bokuto could feel the bed dip as Akaashi sat beside him, his weight a warm and heavy pressure against his legs. 

"I've told Kuroo and Kenma that we would reschedule," he could hear him murmur, even through the thick pillow he had pressed to his face. "It's all right, Bokuto-san."

"It's n-not," he mumbled, his breath hitching in the middle, and another wave of despair and remorse rose up, making his throat tight and hot and seizing in his chest. _Worthless, horrible, letting your friends down, everyone's going out of their way so you can--_

"Bokuto." A hand crept under the pillow - not lifting it, which Bokuto was pathetically grateful for, but slim, slightly cold fingers found the curve of his shoulder and squeezed. "Koutarou." 

The warmth in those simple words - _his name_ \- cut into him, digging right into that horrible, dark part of him that only spoke up in times like these. He wasn't like this all the time - he wasn't _like this_ , he was usually, so confident, so _sure_ of himself, and that, somehow, made it even worse. Because all he was good for was being _that friend, being loud and funny and amusing and happy and without that he's nothing, less than nothing, he's going to bring everyone down with him._

"I d-don't know _why_ ," he finally whispered, and felt Akaashi's hand tighten on his shoulder. "I'm not g-good at _anything_ , except _volleyball_ , I'm not good at anything but a stupid s- _sport_ , I'm just a m-miserable waste of space and you're so--"

"Koutarou," Akaashi said again, but his voice this time trembled, as if he, too, was hurt by Bokuto's words. "That is not--"

"I can't _do_ anything!" Bokuto shouted, yelled into the pillow, and his shaking hands tightened in it, grabbing it to his chest as if holding on to something could keep him from falling into this pit of ugliness. "You do _everything_ and you're so good at it and I can't, be left alone, I make bad decisions and I can't say no to people and I just--"

"You took your medicine late yesterday," Akaashi reminded him.

" _I can't do that right either!_ " he all but shrieked, and suddenly a strong hand yanked the pillow away, making Bokuto feel bereft and aching and -

Akaashi grabbed his other shoulder and _pushed_ , shoving Bokuto down on his back, into the bed they shared. His knees landed on either side of Bokuto's hips and he pressed their bodies together, leaned all his weight on him like he could crush the sadness out of Bokuto's chest. "It is _all right_ , Bokuto-san," Akaashi murmured, too soft and too delicate for all the anguish rioting in his chest.

"It's not," he muttered weakly, but his arms came up to hook around Akaashi's shoulders, clinging gently.

"It is." That was Akaashi's captain voice, his _my words are final_ voice. "I forgive you, Bokuto."

That - that hit him differently than saying it was all right. Because, forgiveness meant that Akaashi wasn't saying he'd done nothing wrong - he _had_ , that was the _problem_ , he did a _stupid thing_ that he knew he shouldn't have done but was powerless to stop himself from doing it - but he was saying that, despite that, Akaashi was willing to move on. 

"Why," he whispered, though his shoulders had started to relax and the hitching breaths in his chest had smoothed out. "I don't understand why you. Even _like_ me."

Akaashi's hand crept up to cup Bokuto's jaw; slid higher, into his hair, pushed until their faces rested against one another, cheek to cheek. "Because you are human and you make me feel alive," he murmured, and Bokuto's breath caught for an entirely different reason, now. "And because you are worthy, and deserve love, and I have never stopped wanting to be the one to give it to you."

He had been crying before - great big wracking sobs that compressed his chest, made his throat hurt from how sharply he gasped - and his eyes felt wet again, but he was calm, absorbing those words like drops of water in the desert. "Akaashi," he mumbled, and felt him nudge his nose into his cheek in a little affectionate nuzzle. "Kei. Keiji. Stay with me?"

"Always," he answered without hesitation, his breath warm on Bokuto's neck.

"Even when I fuck up?"

"Even when you fuck up." There was a little dry press of lips, right under Bokuto's ear, and he shivered as an automatic reaction but mostly it felt good, familiar, _right_. "No one expects you to be perfect, Bokuto-san."

"You are," he muttered mulishly in return, and felt rather than heard the laugh that bubbled in Akaashi's chest.

"I am far from it, I'm afraid," he murmured, rubbing their faces together once again. This time, Bokuto leaned into it, tipped his head until their lips could glance together, softly, imperfectly, but with so much love it made his heart ache. "And I believe we have vastly different definitions of 'perfection'."

No, Bokuto thought, chest twisting and turning over, Akaashi _was_ perfect - or at least, perfect for him, perfect in all the ways that mattered. Bokuto was human and he was always going to make mistakes - and, particularly when his medicine wasn't as balanced as it could be, he was always going to hate himself a little when he did. But it could certainly be worse, and he certainly wasn't the first person who had come to regret his actions. And it was better than _not_ regretting it, wasn't it? If he had convinced himself it was the right thing to do, when it wasn't, and he'd lorded it over his housemates just to save his pride, wouldn't that have been worse?

He realized that Akaashi's hand was moving, rubbing into his arm and shoulder, comforting and relaxing him as his thoughts wound themselves out. He pressed a soft kiss to Bokuto's jaw, then nipped it, and Bokuto could feel a soft smile on that beautiful face, a face he'd seen in so many situations, so many expressions, a face he'd had the ultimate privilege of being able to kiss whenever he wanted, to bite and lick and love, and it was still _here_. He knew a great, great many people who would not have been nearly as forgiving as his Akaashi, had they been in his situation.

He drew in a long breath and let it out, slow. It only shook a little.

"It's really okay?" he asked, had to, and Akashi was nodding before he even finished, nose rubbing along his cheek.

"Yes, Bokuto-san."

"And you still love me?"

He felt that smile again. "I could not stop loving you if I tried."

Bokuto curled his arms tighter around Akaashi's chest, squeezing them together. "Call me Koutarou again."

"Just once."

"All night!"

"Once."

"Come on! Just for a little while!"

"Maybe." Akaashi pushed himself up on his elbows, looking down at Bokuto with that droll, indulgent smile that he loved so much, because it meant he loved him enough to tease him. Then his eyelids dropped just a bit. "Koutarou."

"What? Nooo! I wasn't ready! Say it again say it again!"

And they were laughing as their lips came together, soft and sweet, so Bokuto could feel the way Akaashi said his name, like he was saying _I love you_ , with all the care and dedication in the world.

(^ovo^)

> ms kozume kenma: bro  
>  ms kozume kenma: hey bro ps i love you  
>  ms kozume kenma: youre the raddest bro who ever bro'd and i think youre cool  
>  ms kozume kenma: like, the coolest  
>  ms kozume kenma: i wish i was your kouhai so i could swoon over u and call you SEMPAI~ and write u love notes  
>  ms kozume kenma: if u were my sempai id confess to u like every day until u agreed to go out with me  
>  ms kozume kenma: then id have to be like nahh im taken so i guess that worked out but the point is  
>  ms kozume kenma: ur my favorite ?? person?? that isnt kenma?? in this universe???  
>  ms kozume kenma: and i know that for a fact like i could meet some space aliens RIGHT NOW (man can u imagine, i think oikawa would wet himself haha) and id still be like nah, youre cool and all but NOT AS COOL AS BOKUTO  
>  ms kozume kenma: and the restaurant was really crowded anyway so srsly dont worry abt it  
>  ms kozume kenma: i love you  
>  ms kozume kenma: bro  
>  ms kozume kenma: bro  
>  ms kozume kenma: bro  
>  ms kozume kenma: if ur still moping i gotta say........ that thats A-OK AND U ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL LIKE SHIT SOMETIMES  
>  ms kozume kenma: not that i am encouraging u to feel like shit im just saying  
>  ms kozume kenma: if u do its ok  
>  ms kozume kenma: and im here for u  
>  ms kozume kenma: cos i love u  
>  ms kozume kenma: kenma loves u too  
>  ms kozume kenma: i know cos he started baking when we got home i think hes making brownies and theyre ur favorite  
>  ms kozume kenma: they are ur favorite right??? or did i forget  
>  ms kozume kenma: fuck maybe theyr'e MY favorite  
>  ms kozume kenma: i cant remember  
>  ms kozume kenma: shit  
>  ms kozume kenma: im a bad friend  
>  ms kozume kenma: hey i bet u remember  
>  ms kozume kenma: youre good at that stuff  
>  ms kozume kenma: hey remember operation find out what hinata's favorite dessert item is  
>  ms kozume kenma: and kenma made like a million of those lil orange cakes and wouldnt tell hinata who kept sending them  
>  ms kozume kenma: good times  
>  ms kozume kenma: so yeah i think youre gonna get attacked by baked goods tomorrow just sayin  
>  ms kozume kenma: cos kenma loves u  
>  ms kozume kenma: and knows how it is to feel like shit randomly (or maybe not randomly. whatever)  
>  ms kozume kenma: and hes not good at talking to people so he bakes stuff and im not good at talking to people so i'm leaving u a million skype messages instead of calling cos im pretty sure if i called you and heard u cry id start bawling too  
>  ms kozume kenma: im sorry this probably stopped being helpful like five years ago but i just  
>  ms kozume kenma: have all these feelings  
>  ms kozume kenma: abt how much  
>  ms kozume kenma: hoWM MUCH  
>  ms kozume kenma: I THINK  
>  ms kozume kenma: YOU ARE  
>  ms kozume kenma: FAN  
>  ms kozume kenma: FUCKING  
>  ms kozume kenma: TASTIC  
>  HOOOOT: do you have any idea how confusing that skype nickname is???????????? DO U?????  
>  ms kozume kenma: haha yea thats kind of the point  
>  ms kozume kenma: plus im rlyyyy gay  
>  ms kozume kenma: spoiler  
>  HOOOOT: but THANK YOU MY GOOD BRO  
>  HOOOOT: YOU ARE A TREASURE BEYOND MEASURE  
>  HOOOOT: and brownies are indeed my favorite. they're only your favorite when they have weed in them  
>  ms kozume kenma: RIGHT  
>  ms kozume kenma: thats why i got confused  
>  HOOOOT: i love you  
>  ms kozume kenma: bro  
>  HOOOOT: BRO  
>  ms kozume kenma: BRO I LOVE YOU  
>  HOOOOT: I LOVE YOU MORE  
>  ms kozume kenma: TELL AKAASHI HE'LL NEVER LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I WILL  
>  HOOOOT: HE SAYS THATS FINE  
>  HOOOOT: HE LOOKS KIND OF NONPLUSSED TBH  
>  ms kozume kenma: i think his face just looks like that  
>  HOOOOT: his face is fucking beautiful dont start w me  
>  ms kozume kenma: hahaha  
>  ms kozume kenma: bro  
>  ms kozume kenma: you are  
>  ms kozume kenma: so gay  
>  HOOOOT: truth  
>  >HOOOOT has changed his name to MR AKAASHI KEIJI  
>  ms kozume kenma: LMAO  
>  MR AKAASHI KEIJI: now we match (^ovo^)  
>  ms kozume kenma: were adorable  
>  MR AKAASHI KEIJI: truth  
>  ms kozume kenma: the truthiest truth  
>  MR AKAASHI KEIJI: w o r d


End file.
